We’ve all been there. Driving home work, you ate way to many burritos that day for lunch. You don’t think you’re going to make it… Phew, “thank you baby Jesus!!” Awe, that moment of relaxation. Oh look, some ass took the last of the toilet paper. That, “what would MacGyver do?” moment hits you. You start to wonder if you peel the carboard layers apart… hmmm, or maybe shape it into a spoon. Bottom line, please replace the toilet paper if you use the last of it.
Do you see that picture sitting there in the fridge? IT’S EMPTY!! Why do people do that? They pour themselves a nice cold glass of whatever, taking the last bit of the sweet drink and then put the picture back just to mess with you. You get home after a hard days work, open the fridge and your heart starts to beat faster, your mouth begins to water for a nice cold cup of… NOTHING!
People who put up signs to help stupid people. You’re only hurting yourself! Stupid people are going to do stupid things. It’s what they do. Don’t mess with God’s over-all plan for everyone. If they want to drink my pissy water, let them. Instead, you put up a sign, because you think that if someone is smart enough to drink my piss, then they must be smart enough to read.
People who park so close to another car, I literally would need the worlds largest can opener and 4 hours just to get in my car. Hence the reason I carry around “If you’re going to drive it, LEARN TO PARK IT!” bumper stickers. I pass them out for free to anyone who wins the Dumb-Ass parking job award.
Trust me boys, spandex on men… not cool. Ever see a worm and two grapes pressed tightly between to pieces of glass? Yea, me either. Want to know why? CAUSE, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT? Same thing here.
Oh man… Now i know what you’re thinking. How can this work of art have a pet peeve anywhere on it? Let me point out three of them. See the tomatoes, pickles and lettuce? IF I WANTED A DAMN SALAD, I would’ve ordered a salad. When I order my man meal, I order it without the salad. Every time, it shows up with an, “all you can eat” salad, minus the ranch dressing. (It’s a damn good looking burger though huh? See that bacon there? Oh yea, almost makes up for the side salad.)
Don’t even get me started on little dogs. They have the cute owners, that have the cute carry cases, and the cute sweaters, and they go to the cute car, and the cute dog sits on their cute laps, and they talk all cute to the dog. Then they bring it in the store with them. When they are busy looking at Justin Bieber crap, I kick that cute look off the dogs face.
There are so many things about this picture that pisses me off. The main point I am trying to make is, bad parents. However, since we have this picture, let me point on a few bonus pet peeves. Fat chicks who are to f^ckin’ lazy to bend over far enough to pick a kid up properly. Fat ankles with with tattoos to hopefully take the focus off their, “hi i’m a lesbian” haircut. Good luck kid… You’re going to need it.
Women who wear skimpy, “look at me” outfits. Then get mad when grandpa get’s caught staring. They come back with, yea I want people to look, just not that guy. I am going to leave it with, they piss me off. I have so many pet peeves surrounding women, I better stop with just that one before this pet peeve turns into, “Pet Peeve, The Novel.”